Desperate to look smart

Human evolution has brought us to the point where the whole species put emphasis on intellect. After all, it is allegedly our intelligence that led us to dominate this planet. Truth is, we are so clever that one of the most clever group of us (i.e scientists) even cooked up this just-one-factor-considered measuring tool to tell the world that we are the smartest and not to mess with us. And what's important and relevant here is that, scientists predict our intellect/brain has a lot more room to be improved upon! So being extra smart is like, d00d I am higher evolved than you!

X-ray of future you as envisioned by Wikipedia

The idea of your great-great-grandson

that Tom Morris is trying to 'myth-ify'

Then comes the biggest problem as explained by the credited author in Kevan's article in March is that people have polarized thinking. This means people tends to give extreme judgments. For example, you are either pretty or ugly, happy or sad, smart or stupid. Test it yourself: for the three previous opposites, think for an English word that describe the quality that lies in between. If your answers are average, moderate, not bad, etc, then congratulation! You are a human! Anyway, what happens here is, people know that if they aren't smart then automatically they are stupid! And being stupid is TERRIFYING! So what people do next is take the shortcut to smartness: look smart! And I am not talking about faking smart here. I am talking about genuine smartness! But as you will see, some actions can be backfiring as users unwittingly turn their smartness against themselves, actions such as...

1) Bragging About Your Test Results

Let's face it, you don't masturbate and immediately know how good you will be in bed. So what should you do? You get a partner (or more) to observe his/her/their response. And for smartness, there are the popular IQ tests, personality tests, SAT, school tests and even fortune cookies saying 'you will make a good decision today' a.k.a you make bad decisions the rest of the time. Yet although you would be shy to announce how badly you failed a physics test, you never suspect the same on other people. So when someone promptly inform you that he got an A for algebra, your mind instantly implies that he's a freaking genius. After all, it's impossible to get an A for algebra and D for the other subjects, right? RIGHT?

Even more suspicious is how horoscopes or personality tests never have results such as these:

1. You are going to fail in life.
2. You will be a virgin till you die.
3. Your ideal career is begging for money.
4. You are dumb and ignorant.

No, somehow these never appear although we have seen or heard of someone exactly like that. Positive thinking is so important that it is better to hide the truth that your 'Perfectionist' result is actually OCD.

Yes? Then you are a perfectionist!
No anxiety disorder here =D

(oh I am sorry that smiley is tilted 90 degree left)

Facebook personality quizzes are visited by millions of people a day because they allow posting of your results. But the fact remains that you aren't gonna look smart if you can't be smart! This is crucially important because many people focuses too much on the exterior and forgot that they still need to learn and think. Problems aren't restricted to the not-smart category (not saying you're dumb!) as smart people can fall victims to their own traps, as in...

2) Throwing Around Credentials And Achievements

Yes you are the winner of American Idol season X. Yes you won a gold medal in the last Olympic. Yes you have a Ph.D in awarding Ph.Ds. But there's a proper time or place to tell that, like in a job interview or to get laid. Then there are improper time and place that might end you up on FAILBlog, like when getting laid or to prove you are smartest in an argument.

OH YES! This feels good!
I got an A-Star for my A Level Chemistry!

I haven't been catching up with the real world since World of Warcraft, but last time I was around, you win an argument by being correct, not by being smart. I am pretty sure it's still the same way to settle things now. So what makes some people think even if the topic is controversial, smartness trumps facts, is beyond me. Now if you say Hindus should not eat chocolate because chocolate is made by choking a cow, you are d@mn well wrong because we all know that chocolate is made by delivering the cocoa late! When you are proven to be literally and factually wrong, you should just shut up and be embarrassed like anyone else would, but some people got the idea they can make their own 'Return of' by shooting their credentials and achievements by saying 'So you made a chocolate in front of me by liquefying ground fermented cocoa beans, but I've got a Master in the Chemistry of Chocolate Flavouring!' This idea formed because the system of credentials and achievements is misunderstood. When you are acknowledged for being capable of doing a good job, you still have to do the job right, not sit there and everything become done right by you.

It's E=mcD! I know because I finished up to the Big Bang Theory Season 4.

What happens is, it doesn't matter if you showed you are the reincarnation of Archimedes plus Michael Faraday plus Albert Einstein and you have the memory and IQ of all of them combined, if you think that's gonna make 27 alphabets exist then you are idiot at the moment. Being an idiot for even a moment is a death-sentence for many people. That's why the following effort is popular.

3) Be Really Really Smart (When You Don't Have To)

Humans naturally feel insecure. That's why we banded together and owned the Earth since many years ago. Now that we are on the throne, we feel insecure about ourselves. In particular, our smartness. For many of us, there's nothing more horrible than being asked a question and not knowing the answer. Stuttering 'The charge of an electron is... Errrr... Ermm... In Coulomb, the value is errr...' is the equivalent of screaming 'F**k you!' in the face of Hitler or sneezing snots all over the face of the person of your dream. To prevent it, what they do is always prepare the right answer to give, at the wrong time, which can be really annoying.

"Mommy, before I die I must tell you.
Did you know pig orgasm lasts for more than 30 minutes?'

"Good morning! I know the opposite
of a dice cube always add up to a seven."

They go to didyouknow.org, memorize the side notes on an obscure novel then tune in to Discovery Channel to remember every details from Future Weapon so the next time he's playing CoD he can attempt better to talk like a weapon freak. So if the next time you get bombarded by someone with a random trivia or statistics, this is probably the reason. These people have favorite subjects of conversation which aren't like the norm. While other people are talking about common stuffs like boobies or Bieber, they tend to make sudden topic change to conspiracy theories or pseudoscience matters or suspiciously even numbered statistics which most people normally won't know. Probably because they are made up. Because for them nothing beats the demoralizing power of a 'DID YOU KNOOOOWWWWWW...' followed by a 'yeah'.

Better than porn.

Apparently it's a really hard art to master. One has to be skillful to dodge questions or parry them with answers that are gonna beat the wrong bush. Like, the 'How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?' assault promptly repelled with a 'DID YOU KNOW that Thomas Edison supported direct current for electricity distribution?' It's really pathetic. If Leonardo of Vinci that genius can invent an helicopter and keep it away for four centuries, why do you have to be so excited just because you know the rotor of the largest helicopter spins at 110rpm. If this is not enough, look forward to the long-term planners who...

4) Become Nerds

Now, we know a lot of smart people love science and math and philosophy and literature. But that doesn't mean that's the only thing they do! A brilliant people can also be into other things, like photography or paint balling or skydiving.

Or grinding an ass. Who doesn't?

However, it becomes wrong to associate all intellectuals are full-time intelligent. Just because event A causes event B to happen does not mean event B also causes event A to happen. Then it gets worse when it's assumed smart people are nerdy and nerdy people are into stuffs like Star Wars or Green Lantern.

He's green and ugly but I'm gonna love him so I can be smart.

Now we have someone who always try to start up conversation about the dark matter or demographic stochasticity and the sort and scorn at any discussions of new DVDs out in a nearby shop, unless of course if it's about Star Wars in which they start shrieking "REALLY?! Oh I love Star Wars ever since 63 years before George Lucas was born! OH MY GOD I LOVE STAR WARS I AM SUCH A HUGE NERDDDDDDDDDD~" now don't tell me you wouldn't think that's slightly desperate. But nothing is going top it all, for looking smart, than...

5) Not Be Stupid

Most of us have been there. The blasting in our face "WHAT?! YOU DON'T KNOW?!" coming from a really 'smart' person. Somehow many times in an average person's life, not knowing everything in the world means you're stupid. And not just plain stupid. It's the kind of stupid that says you don't deserve to live. Like if you have the Down Syndrome, only you're worse than that.

YOU IDIOT! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THE SQUARE ROOT OF THIRTY-THREE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND NINE?

And this is the cause of when some 'smart' people believe everyone either has an IQ of 200 or 50. You become stupid for stopping for breath mid-sentence or not having a perfect memory to remember the orgy your friend had forgotten to inform you about. Or you are a ridiculously, hell-homing stupid abomination for enjoying Justin Bieber or Twilight. Meanwhile of course, they are one of the world's rare high-class elites who are the only ones in the world that fully understand how China economy is booming, which in fact are information gotten from the columns at The Economist. But it doesn't bother them that they aren't having the normal fun. Because they are too occupied with the fun of believing they are smart and...

6) Being Sophisticated

These are the people who are superior to anything. Because they are sophisticated, everything else become inferior. They will go to a karaoke but won't sing because it's not the American Idol, attend a party but not dance because well, possibly because they can dance so good your eyes will fall out, although I doubt that.

Or he rules a nuclear nation, so don't mess with him.

Don't get me wrong! They are not arrogant. They are just simply too good to do what average people do. After all, they don't have an average intelligence. That said, they regularly socialize with average people. It's just that they have an allergy to participation in average activities because, well, for these low self-esteem individuals, up-keeping a smart image is important right?

Now I am not saying these people are stupid. I am sure most of them, if not all, are pretty smart people. There are just many types of smartness and many kinds of stupidity, and trying too hard to show you are smart can be one such dumbness. It's a murky border between genius and idiot so no one really cares (except  those people). Dumb people who are friendly and honest are much more preferable than smart ones who keep annoying everyone by showing how smart they are. The world's not gonna think less of you for not being smart in every way, so rather than trying to memorize the crap out of everything on the Internet, why don't you learn something from your fellow human beings instead?

ZhuZhu8th