"Hello?"
"Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared,jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 2-791469?"
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Golf
Bob and Joe were out golfing one day. At the hole in front of them there were two women who were moving slowly and taking a very long time. Bob told Joe to go tell the ladies to hurry up.
Joe started to walk over to the women, but then quickly turned around and walked back.
"I can't go over there," said Joe.
"Well, why not?" asked Bob
"Well, one of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress," replied Joe.
"Fine, I'll go" and Bob walked towards the women.
Bob returned with a very weird look on his face, "small world."
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Children are the future of the World
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.
While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses .......until they stop running.
2. Strike while the .............................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before ......Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of ............termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ........how?
6. Don't bite the hand that .................looks dirty.
7. No news is ..........................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a ............Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ..............stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust .............. me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ................... pigs.
13. An idle mind is .............the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution.
15. Happy the bride who ............gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ......................not much.
17. Two's company, three's .............. the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ...........you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as ............Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ...............spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed .........get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you .......see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind .... get out of the way.
And the WINNER and the last one...
25. Better late than .............pregnant!
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Bra Education for the Guys #1 =)
A man walked into the ladies department of Hua Ho and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable." Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded,
"It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills."
Bra Education for the Guys #2 xD
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs... {B} Barely there... {C} Can't Complain!... {D} Dang!... {DD} Double dang!... {E} Enormous!... {F} Fake... {G} Get a Reduction... {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!...
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That's about everything for now. Goodnight!
ZhuZhu8th
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