Exam of Life

Nowadays, exams are like boss fights of the game of life. There are bosses that crush you and bosses that got crushed by you. Many of us don't really remember the hardest exam we had while the rest are going to sit of their hardest yet. The Chinese pioneered exam, their Imperial Exam famous across the ancient world. Back then, the question involved writing a piece of literature and the reward for passing is a government post and a life of luxury. Fast forward a few thousand years, it's the 21st century, exams now have a few papers spreading across a several subjects and are graded quantitatively. It's just sad somehow passing a huge exam like those in college produce a deeply-in-college-debt graduate who's gonna work the rest of his life off, remain in debt, and retire poor. Sad huh? Perhaps it's because that huge exam is too common. One that's passed by hundreds of students each year. Why maybe a solution is to create an exam that only a wonder person stands a chance! I therefore propose to the education board of the world to offer a new kind of exam for students, and I shall name it the Exam of Life. Take a look at the draft questionnaires:




Instructions
1) Write your name clearly on every pages.
2) Read each question carefully before attempting to answer.
3) Answer all questions in order of the question numbers.

Time allowed: 5 hour

Question 1: History
Write an essay on the history of the Persian empire from its rise to present-day Iran, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its social, economic, political, religious and philosophical impacts on Asia, Europe, Africa and America. Be brief, concise and specific.

Question 2: Communication
Signal to an examiner. 5000 headhunters will storm the exam hall. You must calm them using any languages except ancient Greek.

Question 3: Management Science
Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming 1030 with 45 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the communication interface along with the necessary control programs.

Question 4: Economics
Develop a feasible plan to refinance the national debt of United States of America. Explain the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Large Hadron Collider, Justin Bieber, string theory. Suggest a method to counter these effects. Criticize this method from all possible point of view. Point out the deficiencies in those point of views.

Question 5: Sociology
Describe the possible sociological problems that might arise from the end of the world. Construct an experiment to verify your hypothesis.

Question 6: Philosophy
Outline the development of human thought. Compare it with the development of any one other kind of thought. Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

Question 7: Psychology
Evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and suppressed disappointments during the life of each of the following: Hammurabi, Napoleon Bonaparte, Leonardo da Vinci, Wu Zetian. Support your evaluation with quotations along with appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

Question 8: Biology
Create life. Predict the difference in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed on Earth immediately after the formation of the planet, paying attention to its probable effect on the Roman Catholic Church.

Question 9: Medicine
You will be provided with a scalpel, a piece of cotton and a bottle of Vodka. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected by an examiner. Do not take more than fifteen (15) minutes.

Question 10: Chemistry
Using the material from the exam table, along with the chemicals in the first aid kit, build an atomic bomb.

Question 11: Physics
Describe the nature of matter. Disprove the General Law of Relativity, at the same time providing a more complete law.

Question 12: Mathematics
Reconstruct the lost Fermat's proof of Fermat's Last Theorem. Using the A4 papers and the cello tape  provided, build a working model of a sphere which can be turned inside out.

Question 13: Engineering
Signal an examiner to ask for the disassembled parts of a Dragunov SVD sniper rifle and an instruction manual printed in Turkish. In five (5) minutes, a man-eating extraterrestrial prisoner will be released into the exam hall. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your actions.

Question 14: Literature
Write an epic poem of not less than 10000 rhymed couplets on the topic Evil in Man. Do not use more than 9 languages. Then write a critical essay explaining the intentional flaws of your poem.

Question 15: Music
Write a violin concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with banjo, gulingtangan and drum. You will find a violin under your seat.

Question 16: Political Science
Using the atomic bomb built, or otherwise, start World War III. Report on its socio-economic effects, if any.

Question 17: General Knowledge
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

Bonus Question
Define the universe, giving two (2) examples.

If you finish before the time is up, check your work to ensure no mistake was made, correcting any if present.

The End

Good Luck

So how well do you think you will score?

Desperate to look smart

Human evolution has brought us to the point where the whole species put emphasis on intellect. After all, it is allegedly our intelligence that led us to dominate this planet. Truth is, we are so clever that one of the most clever group of us (i.e scientists) even cooked up this just-one-factor-considered measuring tool to tell the world that we are the smartest and not to mess with us. And what's important and relevant here is that, scientists predict our intellect/brain has a lot more room to be improved upon! So being extra smart is like, d00d I am higher evolved than you!

X-ray of future you as envisioned by Wikipedia

The idea of your great-great-grandson

that Tom Morris is trying to 'myth-ify'

Then comes the biggest problem as explained by the credited author in Kevan's article in March is that people have polarized thinking. This means people tends to give extreme judgments. For example, you are either pretty or ugly, happy or sad, smart or stupid. Test it yourself: for the three previous opposites, think for an English word that describe the quality that lies in between. If your answers are average, moderate, not bad, etc, then congratulation! You are a human! Anyway, what happens here is, people know that if they aren't smart then automatically they are stupid! And being stupid is TERRIFYING! So what people do next is take the shortcut to smartness: look smart! And I am not talking about faking smart here. I am talking about genuine smartness! But as you will see, some actions can be backfiring as users unwittingly turn their smartness against themselves, actions such as...

1) Bragging About Your Test Results

Let's face it, you don't masturbate and immediately know how good you will be in bed. So what should you do? You get a partner (or more) to observe his/her/their response. And for smartness, there are the popular IQ tests, personality tests, SAT, school tests and even fortune cookies saying 'you will make a good decision today' a.k.a you make bad decisions the rest of the time. Yet although you would be shy to announce how badly you failed a physics test, you never suspect the same on other people. So when someone promptly inform you that he got an A for algebra, your mind instantly implies that he's a freaking genius. After all, it's impossible to get an A for algebra and D for the other subjects, right? RIGHT?

Even more suspicious is how horoscopes or personality tests never have results such as these:

1. You are going to fail in life.
2. You will be a virgin till you die.
3. Your ideal career is begging for money.
4. You are dumb and ignorant.

No, somehow these never appear although we have seen or heard of someone exactly like that. Positive thinking is so important that it is better to hide the truth that your 'Perfectionist' result is actually OCD.

Yes? Then you are a perfectionist!
No anxiety disorder here =D

(oh I am sorry that smiley is tilted 90 degree left)

Facebook personality quizzes are visited by millions of people a day because they allow posting of your results. But the fact remains that you aren't gonna look smart if you can't be smart! This is crucially important because many people focuses too much on the exterior and forgot that they still need to learn and think. Problems aren't restricted to the not-smart category (not saying you're dumb!) as smart people can fall victims to their own traps, as in...

2) Throwing Around Credentials And Achievements

Yes you are the winner of American Idol season X. Yes you won a gold medal in the last Olympic. Yes you have a Ph.D in awarding Ph.Ds. But there's a proper time or place to tell that, like in a job interview or to get laid. Then there are improper time and place that might end you up on FAILBlog, like when getting laid or to prove you are smartest in an argument.

OH YES! This feels good!
I got an A-Star for my A Level Chemistry!

I haven't been catching up with the real world since World of Warcraft, but last time I was around, you win an argument by being correct, not by being smart. I am pretty sure it's still the same way to settle things now. So what makes some people think even if the topic is controversial, smartness trumps facts, is beyond me. Now if you say Hindus should not eat chocolate because chocolate is made by choking a cow, you are d@mn well wrong because we all know that chocolate is made by delivering the cocoa late! When you are proven to be literally and factually wrong, you should just shut up and be embarrassed like anyone else would, but some people got the idea they can make their own 'Return of' by shooting their credentials and achievements by saying 'So you made a chocolate in front of me by liquefying ground fermented cocoa beans, but I've got a Master in the Chemistry of Chocolate Flavouring!' This idea formed because the system of credentials and achievements is misunderstood. When you are acknowledged for being capable of doing a good job, you still have to do the job right, not sit there and everything become done right by you.

It's E=mcD! I know because I finished up to the Big Bang Theory Season 4.

What happens is, it doesn't matter if you showed you are the reincarnation of Archimedes plus Michael Faraday plus Albert Einstein and you have the memory and IQ of all of them combined, if you think that's gonna make 27 alphabets exist then you are idiot at the moment. Being an idiot for even a moment is a death-sentence for many people. That's why the following effort is popular.

3) Be Really Really Smart (When You Don't Have To)

Humans naturally feel insecure. That's why we banded together and owned the Earth since many years ago. Now that we are on the throne, we feel insecure about ourselves. In particular, our smartness. For many of us, there's nothing more horrible than being asked a question and not knowing the answer. Stuttering 'The charge of an electron is... Errrr... Ermm... In Coulomb, the value is errr...' is the equivalent of screaming 'F**k you!' in the face of Hitler or sneezing snots all over the face of the person of your dream. To prevent it, what they do is always prepare the right answer to give, at the wrong time, which can be really annoying.

"Mommy, before I die I must tell you.
Did you know pig orgasm lasts for more than 30 minutes?'

"Good morning! I know the opposite
of a dice cube always add up to a seven."

They go to didyouknow.org, memorize the side notes on an obscure novel then tune in to Discovery Channel to remember every details from Future Weapon so the next time he's playing CoD he can attempt better to talk like a weapon freak. So if the next time you get bombarded by someone with a random trivia or statistics, this is probably the reason. These people have favorite subjects of conversation which aren't like the norm. While other people are talking about common stuffs like boobies or Bieber, they tend to make sudden topic change to conspiracy theories or pseudoscience matters or suspiciously even numbered statistics which most people normally won't know. Probably because they are made up. Because for them nothing beats the demoralizing power of a 'DID YOU KNOOOOWWWWWW...' followed by a 'yeah'.

Better than porn.

Apparently it's a really hard art to master. One has to be skillful to dodge questions or parry them with answers that are gonna beat the wrong bush. Like, the 'How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?' assault promptly repelled with a 'DID YOU KNOW that Thomas Edison supported direct current for electricity distribution?' It's really pathetic. If Leonardo of Vinci that genius can invent an helicopter and keep it away for four centuries, why do you have to be so excited just because you know the rotor of the largest helicopter spins at 110rpm. If this is not enough, look forward to the long-term planners who...

4) Become Nerds

Now, we know a lot of smart people love science and math and philosophy and literature. But that doesn't mean that's the only thing they do! A brilliant people can also be into other things, like photography or paint balling or skydiving.

Or grinding an ass. Who doesn't?

However, it becomes wrong to associate all intellectuals are full-time intelligent. Just because event A causes event B to happen does not mean event B also causes event A to happen. Then it gets worse when it's assumed smart people are nerdy and nerdy people are into stuffs like Star Wars or Green Lantern.

He's green and ugly but I'm gonna love him so I can be smart.

Now we have someone who always try to start up conversation about the dark matter or demographic stochasticity and the sort and scorn at any discussions of new DVDs out in a nearby shop, unless of course if it's about Star Wars in which they start shrieking "REALLY?! Oh I love Star Wars ever since 63 years before George Lucas was born! OH MY GOD I LOVE STAR WARS I AM SUCH A HUGE NERDDDDDDDDDD~" now don't tell me you wouldn't think that's slightly desperate. But nothing is going top it all, for looking smart, than...

5) Not Be Stupid

Most of us have been there. The blasting in our face "WHAT?! YOU DON'T KNOW?!" coming from a really 'smart' person. Somehow many times in an average person's life, not knowing everything in the world means you're stupid. And not just plain stupid. It's the kind of stupid that says you don't deserve to live. Like if you have the Down Syndrome, only you're worse than that.

YOU IDIOT! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THE SQUARE ROOT OF THIRTY-THREE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND NINE?

And this is the cause of when some 'smart' people believe everyone either has an IQ of 200 or 50. You become stupid for stopping for breath mid-sentence or not having a perfect memory to remember the orgy your friend had forgotten to inform you about. Or you are a ridiculously, hell-homing stupid abomination for enjoying Justin Bieber or Twilight. Meanwhile of course, they are one of the world's rare high-class elites who are the only ones in the world that fully understand how China economy is booming, which in fact are information gotten from the columns at The Economist. But it doesn't bother them that they aren't having the normal fun. Because they are too occupied with the fun of believing they are smart and...

6) Being Sophisticated

These are the people who are superior to anything. Because they are sophisticated, everything else become inferior. They will go to a karaoke but won't sing because it's not the American Idol, attend a party but not dance because well, possibly because they can dance so good your eyes will fall out, although I doubt that.

Or he rules a nuclear nation, so don't mess with him.

Don't get me wrong! They are not arrogant. They are just simply too good to do what average people do. After all, they don't have an average intelligence. That said, they regularly socialize with average people. It's just that they have an allergy to participation in average activities because, well, for these low self-esteem individuals, up-keeping a smart image is important right?

Now I am not saying these people are stupid. I am sure most of them, if not all, are pretty smart people. There are just many types of smartness and many kinds of stupidity, and trying too hard to show you are smart can be one such dumbness. It's a murky border between genius and idiot so no one really cares (except  those people). Dumb people who are friendly and honest are much more preferable than smart ones who keep annoying everyone by showing how smart they are. The world's not gonna think less of you for not being smart in every way, so rather than trying to memorize the crap out of everything on the Internet, why don't you learn something from your fellow human beings instead?

ZhuZhu8th